Hmmmm. It's been quite a while since my last entry, obviously not treating this as a true journal of my ups and downs. There have been too many downs, and I get tired of acknowledging my negativity. But I need to remind myself of the many reasons I should not be down! There is family, of course - my main source of thankfulness. My children, grandchildren, parents, and extended family. I am truly thankful for each of them - they give me a real reason to keep going. So many great things are happening with them, too! Johnny and Daphne are about to buy their first house!! Lily just celebrated her third birthday. Joy and Charles are finding their place over in Gwinnet County - Joy enjoying the gym, getting healthy, and going to school, and Charles - he was MADE to be a police officer with Gwinnet County Police!!!!! Absolute perfect fit! Julie and Phil are enjoying being in a house, where the kids have a place to play outside and are enjoying their bedrooms! Plus, they're expecting number six!!! Josh is hoping to be home in less than two months - home for Thanksgiving this year, home for Christmas this year!!!!!!!!!!! Joanna and Matt are getting married in less than a month!!! And expecting their first in April! (That will make 11 grandchildren!!!). Joseph is actually enjoying high school at North Forsyth - well, at least to a degree. JROTC is a big part of that!!!!! Marine Corps Jr. ROTC! And Jennifer is growing up, and enjoying middle school at Otwell, where they have a pretty aggressive agenda for her this year!! (She just turned 13 before school started, so all my kids are teen-aged or older!!! Three teen-agers and four in their twenties, until December when Joanna will join the ranks of the twenties!).
And me? Well, it's going on four years since John left, and I still haven't quite found my place. But this year (2011), I've dated for the first time, begun a successful campaign to lose weight, and started school - and I'm rediscovering my faith, put on hold for far too long. Still looking for the church I belong in. So why are there still so many "downs"? I did great the first few months of the year, losing twenty pounds and going on my first (and second and third and fourth) dates, and REALLY enjoying myself at the 57th Fighter Group dances!! :)
I can't help noticing (and truly appreciating) that I can still turn heads - even at 200+ pounds!!! I'm trying to figure that one out. What is it about me that is that attractive? The three men I've dated all liked me very much - wanted a second date (one of them got a second one), and wanted to - ummm, well, enjoy some more physical interaction with me. So they obviously found me attractive. (They all told me they did, and made it quite clear in their body language as well). How is this possible? I'm very flattered - it did wonders for my confidence!!! But what is it?? I need to figure it out and accentuate what I've got (at least, what's good!).
Now, I've got four weeks (minus two days) until Joanna's wedding, and nothing to wear (that will fit me), and no money to buy a new dress (that I wouldn't look good in anyway, without losing some more weight). So I am going to drink nothing but water and coffee, and cut out MOST carbs. There will still be a little sugar in my creamer - although I could buy the sugar-free kind. Also going to start walking every day, and work up to running. I've got every reason to do this - I have a dress that would be great to wear to the wedding, but I've got to lose about 20 pounds to fit into it. I would also be even more attractive to the guys that already think I am!!! (And hopefully, to some I haven't met yet!!!). Plus I just plain feel better when I'm thinner and healthier. Sleep better. Enjoy life more. So, by God's grace, which is abundant and life-giving, I'm going to do this. Lord, help me!